Have to leave because I'm ruining my family...

[DesperateAndAlone]

Since I am such a burden to my parents, I realize that I have to leave the house. I honestly have no other options. I'm 18 years old, so I'm not a minor. If you want a little background on the situation: apparently, I'm a "respect-less, a** of a daughter" (my father's words, not my own) and I don't do anything to help the family and just cause them pain. I did not think I was nearly that bad: I'm a straight A student who does her best to keep the house in order so her parents don't have to work to hard when they get home. For the past couple of years, I've been having an inner struggle with my depression, and recently it's gotten worse. It's plagued me with awful thoughts and caused me to spend a lot of time in my room. Instead of trying to understand and get me some help, my parents have condemned me. My father even said that i didn't have a right to be depressed, and that he is the one who should be. Anyway, things have gotten progressively worse, so I've decided it would be in the family's best interest if I left. I probably can crash a few nights at one of my friends, but what other options are available for runaways? Does the military accept them?

[ccsmod0]

Hello,
Thank you for contacting us here at the National Runaway Switchboard. It sounds like you are going through a very rough time in your home and in your life right now and we are very sorry to hear that. It must hurt to hear your parents talk to you that way, especially when you are trying so hard. How long has your relationship been this way? Have you ever talked to your family about how you feel? Or thought about how a conversation like that may go?
We are sorry that you are feeling so depressed lately. Is it pretty much only because of the situation at home or are there other things going on? Is there any way that you cope with those feelings? Anyone that you feel comfortable talking to about these things like a counselor at school (or out of), friends, or any other family members? Everyone has a right to their feelings, so don’t let it make you feel any worse that your father would tell you that you cannot feel what you do. It sounds like you are a smart person so keep your head up.
Since you are 18, you are legally an adult and would no longer be considered a runaway. You can join the military if that is what you choose to do without any consent because you are in-fact 18. There is also something called Job Corps that may interest you, and you can get more information if you call 1-800-733-5627. It’s possible they can help you get into a career of some sort and help you stay on your feet.
If you can call us here at 1-800-RUNAWAY we can help you come up with some other options before you make any decisions, and talk to you about how you feel if you wish to do so. We can also give you numbers to counseling in your area or shelters if ever you are in need. We are here 24/7 so please don’t hesitate to call. You can call from any payphone without charge if you can’t call from home and someone will be here to help you. We hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself. Hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
NRS

[Anon]

Compared to other people's stories, I live a pretty solid life.I'm 17 and I have two parents and two siblings and we lead a pretty normal life. The only problem in this house is me. I've disappointed my parents a lot in past years. But I've been good. I don't do drugs. I don't drink. I make all A's. I clean the house. I work really hard at keeping them happy. But I'm also really scared to disappoint them. I want to leave because I know i'm ruining a good thing. They're good people, but I'm just not fit to be here. My dad talks down to me and my mother never takes me seriously. She rolls her eyes and doesn't pay attention. Even if i was having a problem, it's not like they want to hear it. I have to maintain the perfect image. I live under the constant fear that i'm gonna mess up again and they'll go right back to not trusting me. I've had suicidal tendencies, off and on, for years. But i quit and got better. But then i got anxiety problems and developed an ulcer. I take medicine for it. But, the thing is, i'm so uptight i don't even know who i am anymore. I can't even be myself around them because i'm afraid it won't meet up to their standards. I've called a hotline and they just told me that it'd be best to stay with a family member or ask their permission. but asking their permission would defeat the purpose. I need to be in a place that allows me to do what i want as long as i want to. I like writing- but my dad doesn't encourage it. Most days i spend, wishing they would just give up on me so i can live my life the way i want to. So, basically, i just need to know that if i leave i'll have someplace to go. The thought of a shelter is kind of scary. So, any help would benefit me greatly. Thanks.

[ccsmod3]

Thank you for contacting us at the National Runaway Switchboard. We are sorry to hear about your situation at home. It sounds like you don’t feel like you are able to be yourself and that you must “maintain the perfect image.” We commend you on getting better with having suicidal tendencies; that must have taken a lot of strength. You mention that you have now developed anxiety problems and an ulcer, so it still sounds like there are problems. Have you considered going to see a counselor to talk about some of these things? We are not legal experts, however, running away is normally just a status offense in most cases. Legal consequences commonly occur through “harboring a runaway” or “contributing to the delinquency of a minor” which are considered misdemeanors in most states.

It sounds like you have already reached out by calling a hotline. We are not sure if it was 1-800-RUNAWAY or not, but you are always welcome to call us (even if you have called before.) We are anonymous, confidential, and available 24/7. It sounds like your wish is to be in a place that allows you to do what you want as long as you want. You mention writing which many people find to be a stress reliever.
In terms of places to go, the options we have described to the previous poster apply to someone who is over 18. Some options like Job Corps may still take youth between the ages of 16 and 18 with parental consent. It sounds like you think the idea of a shelter is kind of scary, however, that might be an option as well. Shelters can offer runaway and homeless youth a break from their families as well as a place to seek help. Shelters differ depending on location, but in general they try and reunite families whenever possible by offering family mediation and/or counseling. So that they don’t get into legal trouble, they will usually have to get parental notification/ consent anywhere from immediately to 72 hours. Shelters also have varying degrees of rules and might include following daily schedules, curfews, etc. Here is a link where you can search for shelters and other programs for runaway and homeless youth. http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/fysb/co ... locate.htm

If you don’t see one for your area or would like more information, you are more than welcome to give us a call. We hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

-NRS